This is a page for parents, carers, guardians, teachers, teaching assistants, librarians and anybody who cares for, or works with, children up to the age of about 12 (or thereabouts).
I hope to update this page with more news on a semi-regular basis. Coming soon, Roki the Rook:
Like most of us, I LOVE silly poems. The sort of silly poems I like tend to be written by people with interesting names like Spike Milligan, Ogden Nash, Roger McGough and Joyce Carol-Oates. Do you or the kids in your care have a favourite poet? Below are some silly poems I wrote. I don’t know if they are as good as the ones written by people with interesting names but I would like to think that some of them are. You might like to read them out loud, but I have also recorded some of them for you and the children in your care to listen to…
Cold-Blooded Reptile
The lizard Had never been caught In a blizzard Before It was unsure What to even call This fall In temperature Had the lizard Not considered What to call the opposite of hot It might have avoided Being frozen to the spot
Click the arrow below to hear a very silly recording of Cold-Blooded Reptile
Milk
The last three letters: 'ilk' Are fixed to the 'M' So it may seem contradictory when I tell you that Milk has no ilk! I've searched through all the annals I think you'll find It’s one of a kind And only found in mammals
Twister Territory
the tiny traumatised
termites were tediously
tackling the
troublesome task
of tidying up
the terrible turmoil
after a trio of
terrifying
tornadoes
had totally
trashed
their
trailer
I wrote this tongue-twister in the shape of a twister (tornado). Try saying it out loud. Can you do it in one go? What about three times in a row? What about SIX times in a row? Do you have a favourite tongue twister? Have you ever tried writing one of your own? Go on – give it a go!
Dumpty Humpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a cliff
Humpty Dumpty began to whiff
Phew! said everyone, what's that smell?
Sorry, said Humpty, I nearly fell
Click the arrow below to hear a very silly recording of Dumpty Humpty
Big Balloons
A BIG balloon With optional weapons in Was otherwise known as the German Zeppelin. It could glide so smoothly Across an ocean That people inside Would feel no motion. Sadly, its popularity Suffered erosion As it generally landed With an explosion.
Blackberries
Blackberries don't taste so nice From lower down the hedgerow Pick them high is my advice And leave the ones below Though tempting, juicy, ripe, and each Is easily within your reach Remember to control yourself - My doggy just relieved itself
Click the arrow below to hear a very silly recording of Blackberries
Exercise:
Write a silly 4-line poem of your own, ending each line with one of the following: PIE, STY, SKY & FLY (you choose the order)
Try another using: FLEA, SQUEAKY, PEA & BEE. (If you don’t like those, try: FLUMP, CRUMP, STUMP & LUMP)
Low Balustrade
CYCLISTS DISMOUNT! LOW BALUSTRADE Read the proud new sign Which was clearly displayed I thought to myself A low balu-whatage? In the moments leading up To my early stoppage It occurred to me after As they gave me First Aid That a low balustrade Is a short barricade
WÖRMANY
Okay, so you need to know a few things before reading this next one. Firstly, do you know what an umlaut is? Some European languages use an umlaut (sort of pronounced oom lout). It is two little dots that go above certain letters like this: ö and it means you have to change the sound of the word when you say it. This poem may well be the öddest thing I’ve ever written. It certainly took less time to write than this explanation. Oh, you also need to know what an omelette is!
That wörms Cöme fröm Wörmany Is, öf cöurse, Beyönd all döubt Thöugh travel guides All disagree Ön höw that natiön's Favöurite dish Has cöme tö be The Spanish umlaut
Abominable
The Yeti of the Himalays
Eats only spaghetti bolognese
It's cousin, Bigfoot
On the other handwich
Prefers a cheese and pickle
Roll
Ignorance
Though they may be of even temperament, An ELEPHANT (In order to achieve a fair settlement) Will cease to be benevolent And swiftly lose all elegance While eloquently trumpeting its Shift towards malevolence If it suspects a circumstance In which you think all elephants Are an irrelevance. Therefore, my stance, Is to treat them with due deference.
Click the arrow below to hear a very silly recording of Ignorance
Syrup of Figs
I wouldn't want to wear A syrup of figs (That's Cockney Rhyming Slang For wigs) I'm certain that a syrup Would irritate my scalp And make it itch Besides which, A syrup Would mess my Hair up.
Not all of my poems FOLLOW THE RULES do they? That’s the great thing about SILLY POEMS. Rather than just having two, four, six lines etc you can break the rules in all sorts of interesting ways. Why not write a poem that DOESN’T RHYME? (Is that even possible?) I know that I can’t do it, so you’re cleverer than me if you can manage it!
My Left Foot
If only I'd been wearing slippers Who knows how it got in but I wish it had stayed put. Its end could not have been stickier Nor could my left foot Or the rug On which the slug Should have moved quicker.
If you or your kids liked any of these poems, I would love to hear from you. You can use the contact form elsewhere on this site to get in touch with me.
CHALLENGE: get your children to read one of these poems out loud in their SILLIEST VOICE (go on, I dare you) Is there something you could use as a sound effect while you are saying it? (A cardboard tube, for instance? – we all know where you can find one of those). Teachers: why not get your class to do it? Parents/teachers/guardians: why not try reading one out in YOUR silliest voice?
You can go back to the HOME page here: Welcome…
Do you ever read a story and wonder what the author who wrote it likes to read?
Assuming you’ve made it this far down the page, it must be time for:
A LIST!
I have listed some of my favourite children’s books below. I’ve probably forgotten to include loads of important ones. I started out writing my top ten but there were far too many, so the list is now, er… more than 10.
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery (to me, this is like poetry and makes me happy and sad at the same time)
Alice in Wonderland / Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll (I know, number two on my list and already I’m cheating by including two titles, but how do you choose a favourite between these two fantastic dreamlike adventures? Here’s some fascinating Alice stuff from the British Library: https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/alices-adventures-under-ground-the-original-manuscript-version-of-alices-adventures-in-wonderland
The Giant Under the Snow by John Gordon (this is scary stuff. I love it!)
The Thirteen Clocks and the Wonderful O by James Thurber (by now, you already know that I like playing with words. James Thurber is a master of language. He also liked to draw, but did you know he was also practically blind? What a hero! And YES I’VE CHEATED AGAIN. THESE ARE TWO STORIES!)
The Dark is Rising by Susan Cooper (as scary as Giant Under the Snow and for all the right reasons!)
The Phantom Tolbooth by Norton Juster (words v numbers: who will win? Clever, like James Thurber; a fantasy world like Wonderland)
The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien (a brilliant fantasy world. Can you imagine inventing a brand new sort of folk creature that’s as well known now as elves and dwarves? – Hobbits!)
The Machine-Gunners by Robert Westall (A masterpiece. What must it have been like being a child during the war in Britain? Read it and you’ll get some idea!)
Danny Champion of the World by Roald Dahl (Okay, I admit my favourite when I was young was James and the Giant Peach. But I read Danny to my own kids so often that I came to love it as my favourite – and you HAVE to have a Roald Dahl in your list, don’t you?)
Tintin in Tibet by Herge (I loved Tintin as a kid. All those adventures! Here he meets a Yeti [did you read my poem Abominable? Maybe this is where I got the idea from?] And you could see the story unfold in pictures. I’m not so keen on graphic novels as a grown-up [sorry] but Tintin and Asterix stories were unbeatable)
Okay, that’s 9 so far. So the next title must be number 10, right? WRONG! ALL of the next titles are number 10 because I don’t know which to put next. In fact I’m going to keep on adding to this list whenever I feel like it. What’s that? Cheating? NO WAY! It’s MY website and I’ll have as many number tens as I want.
The Wolves of Willoughby Chase by Joan Aiken (See also Arabel’s Raven – a raven is almost as cool as a rook!)
Millions by Frank Cottrell Boyce (the novel is much better than the film)
Voyage of the Dawn Treader by CS Lewis (this was always my favourite Narnia book – is it just me or do they get really strange as the series goes on?)
Stig of the Dump by Clive King (ug!)
The Weirdstone of Brisingamen by Alan Garner (see Giant Under the Snow and Wolves of Willoughy Chase for scary/exciting)
The Happy Prince by Oscar Wilde
Watership Down by Richard Adams
Please feel free to get in touch here: Contact